by Dr. Rick McQuistion
John first experienced pornography at age 11. The images drew him into repetitive sexualized behaviors which degenerated in progressively more serious sexual acting-out. Over time, John’s impulses to engage in sexually stimulating acts became habitual and unmanageable. John could not stop. The sex made him feel better temporarily, and so he continued to medicate his mood. Multiple destructive consequences were the result of his behavior. John had become a full blown sexual addict. He demonstrated all five key behaviors of an addiction: repetitive, degenerative, unmanageable, medicative, and destructive (Laaser, 2000).
Sadly, John is not alone. Even in the church as a whole, it is estimated that 50% of the men in attendance on an average Sunday morning are struggling with the issue of pornography. In addition to these staggering numbers, the percentage of women attending our churches caught up in the snares of pornography is believed to now be over 25%.
For men, loneliness and the lack of perceived personal adequacy are key issues leading to sexual addictive behaviors.
In women, such acting-out is about the closeness of a relationship and acceptance. The truth is that the depth of the human soul yearns for completeness. Sexual exploits are intended to meet that yearning. The problem is that the lack of intimacy cannot be addressed through sexual fantasy or the use of pornography, masturbation, or any other sexual behaviors.
Many have stated that such behavior is the “norm.” Perhaps, societally, sexual acting-out is the “norm,” but when the norm is destructive, do men and women, couples, Christian, or non-Christian really want to set the bar so low? Settling for such temporary fixes does not satisfy the true need of every human being for personal intimacy and an adequate sense of who we are created to be. Extensive and qualified treatment is critical to promote healing. In addition, a renewed spiritual walk is essential to achieving freedom from such damaging behaviors.
Maybe you or someone you know is caught in this addictive trap. Denial will not help you escape the “cocaine-like” draw that unhealthy sexual behaviors have on you. Help is available, not to condemn, but to restore.
The work is difficult and long, but you, your relationships, your marriage, your children, and our walk with the Lord are worth it. Your true peace of mind is worth it.
I am Dr. Rick McQuistion, LPCC-S. I have been seeing an increase of this problem for years, and I have been blessed to be helpful to many struggling with sexual sins. I am certified to diagnose and treat sexual addictions through the American Association of Christian Counselors. Let me help you on your path to peace and sexual wholeness. Let me help you learn to “take every thought (and action) captive (II Corinthians 10:5) and regain control over your life.
Resources:
Carnes, P. (2005), Facing the Shadow
Laaser, M. (2000), Faithful & True
Schaumburg, H.W. (1997), False Intimacy